About me

Have you ever felt like life is over?

Ever found yourself standing in your own mess, about to face harsh realities, and you're all out of options?

I know I have.

Meeting people for the first time, they usually want to know about my line of work, education and/or accomplishments.

As far as I'm concerned, listing my accomplishments usually serve to confuse, rather than clarify, any picture others may hold of me. Seeing high eyebrows may be a fun look , but it can be a big letdown when what you want is to be easy to get the hang of, let alone come off as "impressive". I struggle to introduce myself, is it stupid if I blame the standard frame of questions?

If I want to figure out whether or not I find someone impressive, I wouldn't ask what they currently do (and have done) successfully. I would rather ask about what they once worked so hard for, until one day, reality struck and it all didn't add up anymore. How did they cope? It's in these moments I believe real character to shine through. We should be talking about our failures.

Let me start by telling you about mine.

I started off strong by pulling off the antithesis of what all parents want for their children: I dropped out of high school. I held strong political ambitions at the time, tame classes just didn't make the cut. Of course, I didn't know I would go on to face a devastating loss in the upcoming election. I ended up without the trust and admiration of the people, as well as having left school empty handed. Stocking wares at a supermarket became the consolation prize. Until two months later, when I shockingly managed to get fired.

Despair and humiliation led to delusion: I suddenly got the idea that I was meant to be an engineer!

I started taking qualifying exams. Failed half of them, so I decided to settle my ambitions down to studying to become a doctor instead. Less math, I thought. Had to move to a remote city with low admittance requirements to make it all happen. Hated living there. Realized there is more to life than having a highly esteemed profession. Ended back home after the first semester.

I started working molten metal in the local industry. Was awful at it, but I didn't expect much at this point. It paid surprisingly well, I landed an impressive living for my age. Problem was having nothing worthwhile to spend it on. I took to trading financial products I didn't fully understand. It was a lot more thrilling to take a shot at being a millionaire, than it was to have a steady savings account.

I lived like this until a year's worth of salary went away in one single trade. Surprisingly unfazed, I applied to a new job in a different city. Moving around made me feel like things were happening, which my brain translates into meaning progress has been made.

After a month in the new job, I was humbled by a competing offer paying a lot more. I decided to accept, quitting my new job before I was settled in. The high-paying job turned out very easy and repetitive. My co-workers didn't seem to mind as long as the paycheck kept coming. I found myself maddened with excess energy, my curiosity was itching for a challenge. I started studying a bachelors of psychology on top of working full time.

I was a bit older than my class at university. Struggling to find myself in the community after one year, I ended up dropping out, again. I decided to move to Lisbon believing Europe would be like the movies. It wasn't.

There I studied politics after first applying to economics and getting rejected. After one semester of paying premium price to a very flawed school, I got reminded why I wasn't that into politics anymore. Didn't fit with the crowd, didn't learn anything new, was bored, felt ripped off, I dropped out.

Now I am simply living here while my savings are drying up.

I am 24, I don't hold a bachelors degree, not even close. ChatGPT gets confused reading my resume. My mother is sending me articles about happy students at random degree programs with rolling admissions. Real subtle. If I don't feign interest, she sends me pictures of a made bed, behind her sewing machine, in the corner of what used to be my room. Just not an option to me.

Remember the feeling I mentioned earlier?

That's how I feel right now. Life's a mess, I am fully responsible, and got no clue what to do about it. I am back in the exact same hole I've been scratching around in on several occasions by now.

However this time around, I am not afraid.

Recent years has taught me that any experience, even absent of direction, may go on to be so, so...

Worth it!

At 16, I discovered I had a voice that could move people. At 17 I was the president of an NGO. I went on to show great merit and promise as a young politician. I might have tarnished my grades only to end up losing an election, but I sure did have a good run while I was at it.

I never became an engineer, or a doctor for that matter. Though I do have some really great friends that did. I wouldn't have missed getting to know them for anything in the world, despite not at all enjoying my time living with them. (you know who you are, and I'm sorry)

And the exams I didn't fail? top grades, all of them.

Though I initially sucked as an industrial worker, I did manage to remain awfully consistent and hard-working. I had a record streak of showing up, even exceeding the legal limit of annual overtime hours. I eventually became quite capable at operating construction vehicles. A childhood dream was fulfilled!

Then there was the stint in the stock market. It lead to a loss of what was an ungodly amount of money at the time. However, 90% of what was lost, I had earned there first. The reason I am not trading currently trading, is simply due to realizing that the number 1 high-risk high-reward asset to invest in, is actually myself.

When I studied psychology, I didn't find my vibe. Instead, I picked up extra courses in economics and became top of the class. It got even crazier when I, a high school dropout, ended up winning a scholarship to go to Harvard!

Finally, after feeling like a king in Cambridge, my victory lap through Lisbon ended in complete disaster. No doubt about it. I'm left dreading the possibility of my every morning, being woken up to the "ra-ta-ta-tat" of my mother's sewing machine, followed by her condescending look of disappointment.

Yet, while I am figuring this out I can't help feeling life has never been more exciting. Every day is a mystery, and not the kind that is murder-y. Uncertainty has yet to make me a victim. If anything, it has made me a champion.

The way I see it, I am still young and blessed by having nothing to lose. Wouldn't it be stupid to not take the opportunity to aim high and fail big now as opposed to later in life?

Well, as it happens, I already have. Can't really say it was all intentional, but I am who I am because of high ambitions and experiences involving failures. I look back on earth-shattering setbacks, meeting them with a smug smile on my face. I am pleased to know none of them matter, while I somehow, do.

So, who am I?

Before and after every failure there was a story. Hail Marys find me due to how I seem to never shut up about experiences and their deeper meanings. Throughout most of my years I have told stories wherever I went to whoever would listen. Knowing we all are constantly living in one, I have come to realize the power that comes with holding a pen. You may refer to me as a writer.

For every new chapter, I took on a life that was quite different. I honed my craft through experiences spanning politics, psychology, biology, economics, philosophy, art and innovation. Underlying all of these, there was a passion for understanding people, making hard decisions, taking on risks and creatively solving problems. Speaking of problems, I've had tons of them. However, for every single one sufficiently solved by me, everyone around me got to be one solution richer. You may refer to me as an entrepreneur.

If living was like Reality TV, then I am that one guy who simply sucks at "playing the game", losing out early in the show, only to find his way back through a surprise twist down the road. Again and again.

Life might have gotten the best of me for now, but it sure as hell ain't over.

I am Gabriel Herbst, this is Sabervine, my personal workshop dedicated to a lifestyle bearing resemblance to that of the Violet Sabrewing hummingbird. World's greatest flyer, and Nr. 1 protector of all that is colorful in nature.

Welcome to the next chapter!

The Observatory